DOING CURLS IN THE SQUAT RACK ARE WE?
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1. When you forget to bring a sweat towel and spend your whole session looking like you just took a bath.
2. When your hand touches something sticky on a machine and you don't even want to know what it is.
3. When people don't wipe their butt sweat off the machines.
4. When you forget your headphones and have to listen to all of the questionable gym music.
5. Remembering your headphones but still being able to hear the gym playlist so it becomes a terrible mashup.
6. When people try to talk to you when you have headphones in and it isn't to tell you about a fire or free ice cream.
7. Watching Storage Wars on the TV and having to leave before the end of the episode.
8. Wanting to watch Netflix on your phone on the bike without people judging.
9. Twats who loudly talk on their phone on the treadmill.
10. People who claim they're on a machine because they left their water bottle there 20 minutes ago.
11. When a machine has a squeak and you want to fix it but you'd feel weird bringing WD-40 in your gym bag.
12. Having your fitness age tested and discovering it's like 10 years older than you are, even though you did six press-ups last week.
13. Making uncomfortable eye contact with someone when you're on the hip abductor.
14. Overenthusiastic personal trainers who try to chat when you just want to work out in peace.
15. People who race to be on the front row of spin class like teacher's pets.
16. Anyone who wears really tight bike shorts outside of spin class.
17. People who work out barefoot.
18. When someone pours their gross protein shake leftovers into the water fountain.
19. Thinking a gym session will cure your hangover and then realising that this is absolutely not the case.
20. Getting to the end of an exhausting cardio workout and looking at the calories burned and realising it's equivalent to one slice of shitty pizza.
21. When someone leaves enormous weights on the bar and you almost break your arms trying to take them off.
22. People who ask if you need help.
23. People who ask if you need help when you actually do but you're too proud to say it.
24. Unsolicited training advice.
25. Starting out lifting and getting judged by huge bros for only adding 5kg weights.
26. Not being able to say “BUT THE BAR WEIGHS 10KG”.
27. Excessive grunting.
28. When the dumbbells aren't in exact weight order.
29. People who hoard all the dumbbells round their bench.
30. People who do curls in the squat rack.
31. People who deadlift and then drop it on the ground so you almost have a heart attack.
32. People who try to make eye contact with you as they lift like “hey, look how heavy this weight is, man I'm so strong”.
33. Excessive grunting.
34. Really smug couples spotting for each other.
35. People who use the mats to do some weird made-up yoga at a diagonal so they take up all the space.
36. Getting hit on while looking your absolute worst.
37. When someone hogs the mirror space taking selfies.
38. Forgetting to pick up a shower towel and having to do the awkward walk of shame back to the front desk after your workout.
39. When you've done leg day and the changing rooms are upstairs.
40. People in the changing rooms who remain naked for an uncomfortable amount of time.
41. Discovering you've forgotten a crucial item of clothing and having to spend the rest of your day wearing gross gym leggings.
42. Calculating how much every session has actually cost you when you haven't been for a while.
43. Getting to the end of your workout and realising you're going to have to do it again. Forever.